Knowing too much can get you hurt

I'm not sure if i should be happy or sad. I thought i would like to find out further about him and ended slapping myself. I found out a lil too much. He's actually not single and everything is just a lie. Why do i always end up fallin for ppl like this? It's just sad so find out ur crush is attached/married/not available/gay.

What a waste of time and the feelin of getting ur heart broken sucks. Didn't realize how bad it hurts until now. I think all her friends are just jinx. Each one of them that i fall for are just not meant to be. I don't wanna meet any of her friends or anyone. I think being a sad single is much better than getting my heart broken.


Song ....
Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love

Hallo Ween

Woke up early for client's event. It rained yesterday so the field was super muddy. It was more like a paddy field than football field. Then went for lunch with the big bosses. They are actually not too bad. Not stuck up or show off. Quite easy to chat with.
Then headed with Boss K to get pet supply. She's getting a puppy. How nice if i can too. Then went to pamper ourselves with a pedicure. Almost fell asleep cos i was so tired and it was so relaxing. I would go for a massage if my aunt didn't come visit me. Maybe next week i'll go...

Unluckiest Day

1. Gotta surrender my indoor car park pass.
2. Begged the car park maintenance to allocate a pass to me - Failed.
3. Parked my car in the open air car park and it's raining heavily now. I just washed my car 3 days ago.
4. Friend cancelled on dinner at 4.30pm.
5. Forgot to pass urgent documents for my parents to bring back home town today.
6. Answered stalker's call so had to entertain him for 10 mins... so awkward.
7. Got my broken heart broken further.
8. No one to lunch with.
9. Media owner giving me a hard time.
10. Media owner not responding.
11. The present i was so excited to give was not warmly received by receiver.
12. I waited for an invitation that never came... 8pm. It won't come d.
13. Work sucks cos i'm dealing with a bunch of retards.

14. I walked into an unflushed toilet and i had to flush her shit down.

Lee Sheng Jie - Shou Fang Kai

It's Killing Me ....

EXACTLY what i am feeling now...

Hello, tell me you know

Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me

Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me

Starry Night

Been quite since my last entry. Lotsa stuff happened but i don't think i want to get into it again. I'm trying to put it behind me. Anyway i sent my car for a good bubble bath and on my way down to collect it from the car wash, the water fountain and the dark sky just made me feel like pulling out a blanket and lie down beneath the blanket of stars.... too bad i am living in a condo.

Some songs that i would like to share :
Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet
Jason Mraz - If It Kills Me
Keysha - Tix Tock
Yuna
Hopefully i got the time to upload the songs tomorrow.

I HATE MY JOB

I hate my job :'(
Someone save me pls ....

The Story Of A Lil Princess @ Taiwan

I've got a bad feeling about the trip from the beginning but every time it creeps up, i quickly brush it off and told myself it would be alright. After the whole trip, I've learnt that the person that i consider is my friend is indeed not the person i expected her to be. And the guy i have been crushing on has moved on and is not as refined as i thought he would be. Tanti, u were right...I would see traits of him that will make me dislike him but i didn't expect to see him in this light. Not this way. It was painful to watch him chat on the phone for hours while we were all out and about. And i had to help him shop for her.


I felt so used, so just filling up the space, so out of place within the group. Clearly we're from different worlds and it's a lesson for me to learnt. I hope the next time i ever decide to join them in any activity, i will think of all the awful experience i went through in this trip. I hope i never have to experience this ever again. And I'm so disappointed how someone can be that shallow? Doesn't she have any dignity to decide for herself and how can someone of that age behave so kiddish? *sigh*.....


Aside with the horrible things that happened. I went for the biggest shopping spree ever in my entire life. I was literally walking by shops n grabbing things off the rack and just asking for a new piece and stuffing it into my bag. Then walk to the next shop and the same process repeats itself. This past 2 months has such an impact on my bank account...the trip, birthdays, shopping, food..... I'm going to have to be very prudent from now till end of the year but i still wanna get my camera!! How?!?! I wish there's some bonus or increment now :(


Back to the trip, I've never walked so much in my life. I am so not exaggerating. My legs hurt so bad that i was limping by the end of each day and when i got back home, my legs & feet swelled up. It looked like some preggers woman's feet.



Day One
We've touched down and was rudely surprised that our budget hotel looked so dingy looking and so not like the pics we saw.... It was very bad. Anyway we got ready to head into Dan Shui for food and shopping. We stopped by at Xin Bei Tou for hot spring and the hike up the hill to the hot spring area was tiring. I was ready to retire for the day. Anyway that was tiring enough we had to go to Dan Shui to fullfill some typical chinese thing about visiting Dan Shui - the lovers bridge. What a waste of my leg muscle and energy. Clearly it was getting very late and our legs hurt from all the walking but someone insisted on getting to that place. We could have a rode bikes but she was kicking a fuss about not knowing how to ride a bike... So what?? He offered to carry you didn't he? Argh ~! Such a drama-mama. Then just when i thought i can finally head back to Taipei city to our hotel, we spotted a bustling street across the road. They wanted to go walk the street... OMG. We went in and the street snacks were bursting and we stopped for someone but i didn't get to eat any because food depreived M was literally stuffing it down his throat. So not a classy look. *disgusted*


Day Two
We woke up around 8.30am to take the train down to Tai Chong. We were going to the Star Villa for a night. The room we got was absolutely beautiful. The Villa was gorgeous. I would definately go back there again... with better company of course. The rooms were named after each horoscope and it was managed by this old couple. The look so happy.... i wish i would grow old like them. We unloaded our stuff and walked out to look at the sheeps. Something she insisted. What is so cute about sheeps?? I had to climb up 487 stairs and up n down n up n down hills. Just to see some stupid smelly sheeps. Then we had the option to take the bus ride back to our villa, they kept asking if i want to wait for the bus when i clearly declared i wanted to take the bus as my feet hurts. How can they be so inconsidered? I am also part of the group and they should let me do the things i wanna do at times too right? In the end unhappily i walked with them back down n up n down n up the hill and down 487 steps. By the time we got back to the Villa i just plonk myself down in the patio and cam whore cos she was no where to be seen. Tucked in some corner romancing themselves or something. M was so busy talking to the mysterious person on the phone. *disgusted* Then after dinner, they wanted to go to the Swiss Garden which i decided to pass. Smarties me.


Day Three
We made our way down hill and back to the train station. Wasn't feeling very well cos she was snoring and hogging the blanket the whole night. Then not to mention so full from breakfast, we had a taxi driver from hell. Driving so fast that made me feel so sick. By the time we got back to Taiper City, I was all good. On this day we went to the CKS Memorial Centre... suppose to be the landmark/icon of Taiwan. I just waited up front while they walked in to snap away their pictures. Then we went to the Long Shan Temple. I've asked the Gods if i would be with someone by the end of 2009 .... NO. Is M the one for me .... YES.
Well it's just an indication.... Not going to live my life by it. Then we get back to Xi Men Ding to eat and shop.


Day Four
Almost the last day. We have to spend all our money today. It's now or never. We woke up early and headed to Jiu Fen for the morning. Walked around and snacked a lot... but obviously, i can never keep up with them. It's like they have a bottomless stomach. After that we took the bus back down to the city and walked a long bit to Taipei 101 for more pics. I lingered for a while while they take their pics and headed into the mall first. Then we walked around looking for the Le Sport Sac shop but i guess it closed down already. We were going to take a cab to Wu Fen Pu but she wanted to stop for food at 7-11. Again can't keep up with their tummies. Can so see them eating down my share. Finally made our way to the shopping street and that's when all the madness came. I kept buying and buying and buying and ended up with sore feet at the end of the night. Well it was after this that really drew the last straw. I'm so disappointed she reacted the way she did and so selfish of her.
Finally got back to the hotel and starting my catalogueing and packing. Finally went to bed at 3.15am... woke up at 3.45am to leave to the airport.


Day Five
Arrived at the airport and i was so in a zombie mode. Had to sit on flight all alone :( Tough luck and unlucky friends i have.

I am still recovering from the trip. Very tired and body still aching all over. Slowly distributing the gifts to friends and family.

Khalil Fong - Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

Chomp Chomp Chomp!!

I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been munching since morning till now.... 3pm.

7am - 4 slices of toast
12noon - Rice, Tofu, Egg, Kangkung
1.40pm - Twisities (BBQ)
2.45pm - Garlic Bread from Pizza Hut
3pm - 5 Lot 100 Mango Gummy sweets
and i am still thinking of eating french fries, sundae ice cream, pizza, chicken crispers, spaghetti, golden steam bun from Ducking (Jaya One).

Oh gawd... I'm gonna be so fatty bom bom when i go to Taiwan. I'm suppose to be getting fit and losing weight in preparation for the trip... sigh. I wonder what is wrong with me ?
I NEED HELP ~!

I Feel

You've got me up in a bunch :(

I feel so disposable.

I feel so unwanted.

I feel so second choice.

I feel so taken for granted.

I feel so ignored.

I feel so used.

I feel so broken.

I feel so stucked.

I feel so lost.

I feel so abandoned.

I just feel so ..... sad cos i actually like you.

Serendah - Post

It's my first time camping and I'm glad i decided to start it off in luxury style camping. I don't think i could survive in the wild. i would be the first one to go down!! We arrived and the place was beautiful.... calming soothing kinda beautiful but filled with mosquitoes. You don't even realize they bite you till you are bitten which is already too late. We unpacked was warmly greeted by our neighbour in the other glass shed. And some how a huge green monster decided to take over the command ship :( I'm so not proud of my actions at that moment. I was such a sour grape, out of line and immature.
*the following was typed on my borrowed ipod touch as there was no reception or technology whatsoever in the jungle*

Day 1
Almost 7pm and we're waiting for her friends to come. I need to move on and let him go. M : What is so charismatic about you? Why do I get so jealous? You're not mine to begin with. It's none of my business but I still feel the pinch when it happens. It's like a huge green monster that has swallowed me. I'm suppose to act cool and should have managed to forget you. I'm SUPPOSED to have moved on!!! I’m sorry I fell for you...

Day 2
Just had breakfast about an hour ago. It wasn't hot but hey, it's better than preparing my own breakfast right? I think I feel a lot cooler with them checking out the next door girls now cos I didn't turn into a green monster this time. Good achievement right? Anyway this weekend is just going to be like the other all the other weekend. Not going to have any hope/jalan so not point disappointing myself.

After that we packed up and managed to load the stuff into the car just in time before the rain came. We paid up and headed for Hulu Yam for lunch. After lunch "Jason" moved over to our car and M moved back to seat with me. Was he too tired to drive his own car or .... ? Well i won't complain cos i think that was the highlight of my trip :) That moment, i give it 5 stars !! And upon arriving back in KL, i have something exciting and scary to do.... and that requires a post of it's own...

Serendah - Pre

The few days before Serendah's camping + BBQ was tiring. Lotsa unexpected meetings and long days away from my computer. Firstly, I had to take emergency leave on Monday as the little rascal wasn't feeling well. Then i had to prepare for an impromptu meeting with the clients and creatives on Wednesday. My energy level was half empty already by then. Then a full day training for the Basic 1-ers was killing my legs. Sure there were moments when i felt like killing SI but she's deep down stressed out over running the whole event by herself and she's overly motherly and controlling to begin with.... so i can't complain. Then after a long day running around in my 4 inch heels and being bossed around, i had to return to the office to prepare for the next day's meeting.

To top it all off, i had to cancel half of my leave on Friday cos of a lousy meeting with the client. It was so boring and all communicated in chinese (mand and canto). Ok finally noon arrived and we excused ourselves. Quickly dropped my colleague back at her place and i dash back home. One cos of a mini wardrobe emergency and the other cos M was coming to pick me soon....Excited and nervous at the same time for this weekend. Got home, got ready and waited for M to reply. He must still be at the gym cos he didn't reply till an hour later. Got my things out of the house and carried it all the way down and by this time, my stomach was no longer rumbling now and then but it's like this constant churning sound already. I quickly grab some biscuits cos i don't want a rumbling tummy with just me and M in the car. The minute i saw him, hahaha... everything came rushing back. The past few weeks of moving on just went out the window.

We went for lunch and waited for birthday girl. All in all, we left for Serendah at 5pm. Haha.....why did i even bother to take a day off or even rushed from the meeting this morning right? Will post about the camp + BBQ in another post.

Lagenda Budak Setan

The past few days were crazy and hectic and slow at the same time. Nothing spectacular except for today. I attended a first cut viewing of this new movie called : Lagenda Budak Setan. And i fell in love with the story and the cast. OMG it's like the malay version of romeo and juliet. The lead male role was potrayed so sweet and loyally by Farid Kamil. The impression i had of him was the greasy, dirty, crude, messy mat rempit from his previous movies but so not the case in this film. Not to mention they had a epic love song written for this movie so i think this might be the next big thing. Maybe the next Sepet or Puteri Gunung Ledang. Okay besides having a stiff neck from sitting through 2 hours of 1st cut of the movie, i finally understood what to expect when ppl say it's the first cut. You know how the tape the mic beneath the actor's clothes? You can actually hear the ruffles or the noise of the contact between the shirt and the mic. Like when they hug each other, everything sounds muffled. So when they edit and do the finishing touches, they actually do magic !! Wow.... i have a whole new respect towards the ppl in the film industry (local and overseas). Can you imagine if our local ppl were so bad till you can hear the muffled voice quality? At least we're not that pariah.

I can't wait for the show to come out and i am waiting anxiously to find out what is the name of the epic love song. I will upload it here once they release it. This movie is supposedly to be on the silver screen in Feb 2010, another 6 months.... I hope they fly by man.
Tanti : when this show comes out, promise me you'll go with me to watch it?

Ghost Of The Past

My past has come back to haunt me. Specificly, my X, he has come back to bug me. I don't understand why he doesn't understand i don't want to ever see him or talk to him. Must i cut off my line only he gets the msg?
Work's frustratingly boring and mundane. I need to break free and excite myself again.
I miss my sugar rushes.... I just feel so grey, so in pieces, so disappointed, so sick, so hopeless.

Hopefully i cheer up by tomorrow morning. I'm going to walk/cycle my gloom away.

Not Meant To Be

I had an expensive weekend. I blew almost RM500 (sat & sun) and signed almost RM2K worth of debt :( Sigh.... when month ends comes, i'm gonna be so damn broke. My bank account is crying blood now. I had my first fine dining experience and it wasn't a date. What a loser life i have. Then i went clubbin' which reinforces my dislike for clubbin' all over again. What the hell is so nice about rubbing yourself against weird ass looking people. I've never been molested so much in my life before. I arrived home almost 3am, almost deaf and smelly. Even after showering, my hair still smell like ciggies. So damn smelly but i was too tired to care.


The next morning i went to the temple to pray - a special celebration. Then went to meet up with my friends for lunch. Non meat lunch for me... was suppose to be a vegetarian for the day. Then after they left, i walked around and had a chat with my expensive taste friend. Plus he earns so much more than me and he's happily spending his money on all the things he likes. I wish to be like him too. The grass is always greener on the otherside of the fence. Then met up dinner with another friend and drinks.


Work has been pouring in today like a broken pipe. Trying to finish it but so no mood.

2 things are swimming in my mind : my hair and M. What to do what to do what to doooooo

Theory Of A Deadman - Not Meant To Be

Bored & Broke

I went for meeting and was late. Haha... as usual. Everyone was there and we quickly took our seated. Separated from my boss, i had to make small talk with strangers - F*ck man! Then the witch from wizard of oz started complaining about the venue of choice. WTH !! Next time you guys go arrange la. Food arrive and i started stuffing food into my face..... but i only took 1/2 bowl of rice....good right? ;) So proud of myself man.

Ok... fast forward.... Today was a boring non eventful day. So boring i feel like stabbing myself repeatedly just to feel the rush. That's how bored i am. In summary of the rest of my boring day (whats' left of it anyway) was Starbucks, busted RM222 on hair products and mistakening kopi o ais for teh o ais (i've only took 2 sips and i feel so sick now). The freaking hair thingy better grow my hair so thick that it'll put Aishwarya Rai to tears/shame.

What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway so no mood... therefore no song. I'm heartbroken and broke and bored and tummy sick.... well you get the picture. Plus i'm still second guessing bout my haircut.

Song of the day : Michael Buble - I've Got You Under My Skin
I know i said no song today.... well i changed my mind. Shoot Me !!

A Hairy Tale

To my friends, you must not have been reading right? Cos there's no comments. YOU made me migrate my blog so you can comment without signing up and yet no comments...I'll hunt you down. I know where you work, where u live and what mode of transport you use. I'll bomb you into pieces.....


After a few minutes of writer's block, I remembered one of the thing I wanted to blog about - MY HAIR. I would like to have a short do. Like this ....Apa macam? I'm chopping off almost 14 inches of hair which i plan to donate for charity. It's not those shaving to raise funds for charity kinda thingy but the hair that i donate will be made into a wig for cancer patients or kids suffering from hair loss. So far most of the foundations are overseas (US), i wonder if there's any in Malaysia or Singapore? Do let me know if you've heard or know of any foundations doing this. Who to ask? Where to go from here? Btw the reason why and how i found out about this was when Oprah interviewed Hillary Swank for a campaign she did for Pantene some years back.

Okay back to my short hairstyle of choice, i'm gonna look so funny like a hairy bowling ball but it'll grow back right? but it'll take forever to grow back. On average, our hair grow 0.5 inches (1cm) per month. So i should cut? Am i going to regret this? My long hair is annoying me. It always steals my food, like the time i ate ice cream and at the end of the day, i found out "it" stole a few whips of my ice cream when i wasn't looking ( i turn my hair and my hair was so long that it swept across my ice cream ). Not to mention washing my hair is a hassle. It takes ages to wash, condition and to dry. #1 reason to chop it off is : i'm balding !! :(

I've been mulling over this for a month plus. Someone help !! Pls put me out of this misery.

Someone was kind enough to translate the song into eng. You can go check the full version but i especially heart this part cos it's so sad but true : I guess I cant erase you even if I try to give up, tears flow everytime I think about you. You call me sometimes,you'd ask me to meet if Im not busy. I cant help but to agree,because we are friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6Eb1vtdgHc