I Feel

You've got me up in a bunch :(

I feel so disposable.

I feel so unwanted.

I feel so second choice.

I feel so taken for granted.

I feel so ignored.

I feel so used.

I feel so broken.

I feel so stucked.

I feel so lost.

I feel so abandoned.

I just feel so ..... sad cos i actually like you.

Serendah - Post

It's my first time camping and I'm glad i decided to start it off in luxury style camping. I don't think i could survive in the wild. i would be the first one to go down!! We arrived and the place was beautiful.... calming soothing kinda beautiful but filled with mosquitoes. You don't even realize they bite you till you are bitten which is already too late. We unpacked was warmly greeted by our neighbour in the other glass shed. And some how a huge green monster decided to take over the command ship :( I'm so not proud of my actions at that moment. I was such a sour grape, out of line and immature.
*the following was typed on my borrowed ipod touch as there was no reception or technology whatsoever in the jungle*

Day 1
Almost 7pm and we're waiting for her friends to come. I need to move on and let him go. M : What is so charismatic about you? Why do I get so jealous? You're not mine to begin with. It's none of my business but I still feel the pinch when it happens. It's like a huge green monster that has swallowed me. I'm suppose to act cool and should have managed to forget you. I'm SUPPOSED to have moved on!!! I’m sorry I fell for you...

Day 2
Just had breakfast about an hour ago. It wasn't hot but hey, it's better than preparing my own breakfast right? I think I feel a lot cooler with them checking out the next door girls now cos I didn't turn into a green monster this time. Good achievement right? Anyway this weekend is just going to be like the other all the other weekend. Not going to have any hope/jalan so not point disappointing myself.

After that we packed up and managed to load the stuff into the car just in time before the rain came. We paid up and headed for Hulu Yam for lunch. After lunch "Jason" moved over to our car and M moved back to seat with me. Was he too tired to drive his own car or .... ? Well i won't complain cos i think that was the highlight of my trip :) That moment, i give it 5 stars !! And upon arriving back in KL, i have something exciting and scary to do.... and that requires a post of it's own...

Serendah - Pre

The few days before Serendah's camping + BBQ was tiring. Lotsa unexpected meetings and long days away from my computer. Firstly, I had to take emergency leave on Monday as the little rascal wasn't feeling well. Then i had to prepare for an impromptu meeting with the clients and creatives on Wednesday. My energy level was half empty already by then. Then a full day training for the Basic 1-ers was killing my legs. Sure there were moments when i felt like killing SI but she's deep down stressed out over running the whole event by herself and she's overly motherly and controlling to begin with.... so i can't complain. Then after a long day running around in my 4 inch heels and being bossed around, i had to return to the office to prepare for the next day's meeting.

To top it all off, i had to cancel half of my leave on Friday cos of a lousy meeting with the client. It was so boring and all communicated in chinese (mand and canto). Ok finally noon arrived and we excused ourselves. Quickly dropped my colleague back at her place and i dash back home. One cos of a mini wardrobe emergency and the other cos M was coming to pick me soon....Excited and nervous at the same time for this weekend. Got home, got ready and waited for M to reply. He must still be at the gym cos he didn't reply till an hour later. Got my things out of the house and carried it all the way down and by this time, my stomach was no longer rumbling now and then but it's like this constant churning sound already. I quickly grab some biscuits cos i don't want a rumbling tummy with just me and M in the car. The minute i saw him, hahaha... everything came rushing back. The past few weeks of moving on just went out the window.

We went for lunch and waited for birthday girl. All in all, we left for Serendah at 5pm. Haha.....why did i even bother to take a day off or even rushed from the meeting this morning right? Will post about the camp + BBQ in another post.

Lagenda Budak Setan

The past few days were crazy and hectic and slow at the same time. Nothing spectacular except for today. I attended a first cut viewing of this new movie called : Lagenda Budak Setan. And i fell in love with the story and the cast. OMG it's like the malay version of romeo and juliet. The lead male role was potrayed so sweet and loyally by Farid Kamil. The impression i had of him was the greasy, dirty, crude, messy mat rempit from his previous movies but so not the case in this film. Not to mention they had a epic love song written for this movie so i think this might be the next big thing. Maybe the next Sepet or Puteri Gunung Ledang. Okay besides having a stiff neck from sitting through 2 hours of 1st cut of the movie, i finally understood what to expect when ppl say it's the first cut. You know how the tape the mic beneath the actor's clothes? You can actually hear the ruffles or the noise of the contact between the shirt and the mic. Like when they hug each other, everything sounds muffled. So when they edit and do the finishing touches, they actually do magic !! Wow.... i have a whole new respect towards the ppl in the film industry (local and overseas). Can you imagine if our local ppl were so bad till you can hear the muffled voice quality? At least we're not that pariah.

I can't wait for the show to come out and i am waiting anxiously to find out what is the name of the epic love song. I will upload it here once they release it. This movie is supposedly to be on the silver screen in Feb 2010, another 6 months.... I hope they fly by man.
Tanti : when this show comes out, promise me you'll go with me to watch it?

Ghost Of The Past

My past has come back to haunt me. Specificly, my X, he has come back to bug me. I don't understand why he doesn't understand i don't want to ever see him or talk to him. Must i cut off my line only he gets the msg?
Work's frustratingly boring and mundane. I need to break free and excite myself again.
I miss my sugar rushes.... I just feel so grey, so in pieces, so disappointed, so sick, so hopeless.

Hopefully i cheer up by tomorrow morning. I'm going to walk/cycle my gloom away.

Not Meant To Be

I had an expensive weekend. I blew almost RM500 (sat & sun) and signed almost RM2K worth of debt :( Sigh.... when month ends comes, i'm gonna be so damn broke. My bank account is crying blood now. I had my first fine dining experience and it wasn't a date. What a loser life i have. Then i went clubbin' which reinforces my dislike for clubbin' all over again. What the hell is so nice about rubbing yourself against weird ass looking people. I've never been molested so much in my life before. I arrived home almost 3am, almost deaf and smelly. Even after showering, my hair still smell like ciggies. So damn smelly but i was too tired to care.


The next morning i went to the temple to pray - a special celebration. Then went to meet up with my friends for lunch. Non meat lunch for me... was suppose to be a vegetarian for the day. Then after they left, i walked around and had a chat with my expensive taste friend. Plus he earns so much more than me and he's happily spending his money on all the things he likes. I wish to be like him too. The grass is always greener on the otherside of the fence. Then met up dinner with another friend and drinks.


Work has been pouring in today like a broken pipe. Trying to finish it but so no mood.

2 things are swimming in my mind : my hair and M. What to do what to do what to doooooo

Theory Of A Deadman - Not Meant To Be

Bored & Broke

I went for meeting and was late. Haha... as usual. Everyone was there and we quickly took our seated. Separated from my boss, i had to make small talk with strangers - F*ck man! Then the witch from wizard of oz started complaining about the venue of choice. WTH !! Next time you guys go arrange la. Food arrive and i started stuffing food into my face..... but i only took 1/2 bowl of rice....good right? ;) So proud of myself man.

Ok... fast forward.... Today was a boring non eventful day. So boring i feel like stabbing myself repeatedly just to feel the rush. That's how bored i am. In summary of the rest of my boring day (whats' left of it anyway) was Starbucks, busted RM222 on hair products and mistakening kopi o ais for teh o ais (i've only took 2 sips and i feel so sick now). The freaking hair thingy better grow my hair so thick that it'll put Aishwarya Rai to tears/shame.

What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway so no mood... therefore no song. I'm heartbroken and broke and bored and tummy sick.... well you get the picture. Plus i'm still second guessing bout my haircut.

Song of the day : Michael Buble - I've Got You Under My Skin
I know i said no song today.... well i changed my mind. Shoot Me !!

A Hairy Tale

To my friends, you must not have been reading right? Cos there's no comments. YOU made me migrate my blog so you can comment without signing up and yet no comments...I'll hunt you down. I know where you work, where u live and what mode of transport you use. I'll bomb you into pieces.....


After a few minutes of writer's block, I remembered one of the thing I wanted to blog about - MY HAIR. I would like to have a short do. Like this ....Apa macam? I'm chopping off almost 14 inches of hair which i plan to donate for charity. It's not those shaving to raise funds for charity kinda thingy but the hair that i donate will be made into a wig for cancer patients or kids suffering from hair loss. So far most of the foundations are overseas (US), i wonder if there's any in Malaysia or Singapore? Do let me know if you've heard or know of any foundations doing this. Who to ask? Where to go from here? Btw the reason why and how i found out about this was when Oprah interviewed Hillary Swank for a campaign she did for Pantene some years back.

Okay back to my short hairstyle of choice, i'm gonna look so funny like a hairy bowling ball but it'll grow back right? but it'll take forever to grow back. On average, our hair grow 0.5 inches (1cm) per month. So i should cut? Am i going to regret this? My long hair is annoying me. It always steals my food, like the time i ate ice cream and at the end of the day, i found out "it" stole a few whips of my ice cream when i wasn't looking ( i turn my hair and my hair was so long that it swept across my ice cream ). Not to mention washing my hair is a hassle. It takes ages to wash, condition and to dry. #1 reason to chop it off is : i'm balding !! :(

I've been mulling over this for a month plus. Someone help !! Pls put me out of this misery.

Someone was kind enough to translate the song into eng. You can go check the full version but i especially heart this part cos it's so sad but true : I guess I cant erase you even if I try to give up, tears flow everytime I think about you. You call me sometimes,you'd ask me to meet if Im not busy. I cant help but to agree,because we are friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6Eb1vtdgHc